Realization
by Brittnodo
Summary: Draco finally realizes what happened but its too late r/r


**No pairings, but there are SPOILERS! **

**Disclaimer**: I am not J.K. Rowling if I was would I be sitting here writing fan fiction!

**I Realize**

Life never turns out the way you want it, I learned that a long time ago.

I remember growing up oblivious, I didn't know who my father was or rather what he did (like bribing the ministry, or hanging around as the Dark Lord's right hand man). I remember learning to hate muggles and muggleborns, too bask in the glory of being a spoiled pureblood.

I thought I was better than everyone else including Crabbe and Goyle; I had to learn the hard way that this was a disillusioned fantasy, not the real thing.

When I came to Hogwarts with Vincent and Greg in tow I thought I would be the most respected and highly regarded first year but when I heard Harry Potter was on the train I knew I needed to make friends with him to achieve greatness at Hogwarts.

That worked out great, when I get to his compartment, I realize he is with that scum Weasley, I try to get him to follow me in being friends instead I get pretty much a slap in the face. Apparently he didn't know who my father was.

I am pretty sure that's were our rivalry and hatred for each other started.

I remember walking into the Great Hall knowing that I would be in Slytherin, I'm a Malfoy of course!

I was right, not even a second passed when the hat touched my head I was sorted into the House of Snakes, Potter of course went the to the Gryffindors, the reckless fools, I noticed how Albus Dumbledore smiled brightly at the scrawny twit and clapped much more enthusiastically for him not anyone else.

See I have always respected Dumbledore no matter what my father said, the man was the greatest wizard on earth how could I not respect him?

I knew that I could become his favorite if I tried so I did.

I never realized that was unreachable task.

Our first flying lesson was going to be great I knew it, I would beat Potter at something finally.

Yeah well little did I know I pretty much handed him the seeker position on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, the position I was made for.

Oh and then I see he got a broom and not just any broom but the Nimbus 2000, I try and get him in trouble and he only ends up insulting ME!

The years progressed the same all my desperate attempts at getting Potter in trouble ended in getting me in trouble, but it never stopped me from insulting him, Weasel or the Mudblood.

Potty always was praised and I realized he was the Headmasters boy. Not me I never was I barely received acknowledgment, like at Quidditch games(which I was told many times I wouldn't be on if my father didn't buy me onto the team as if) no one watched me they watched him, even Snape which was truly a slap in the face.

In my fifth year it was great I never got in trouble, Potter always did, he got thrown of the Quidditch team, Dumbledore was gone, it was heaven.

Until the end of the O.W.L.s, I never realized what my father got into truly into, sure I knew he supported the Dark Lord but I didn't know he was in the Inner circle.

I remember reading the Dailey Prophet (which I had taken a liking too this year, because of the boy-who-lied really got my attention) at breakfast the day after Umbridge was sacked, and Dumbledore reinstated, I saw the list of Death Eaters who were caught at the Ministry by the little Gryffindor hero and Dumbledore, I laughed at the kids whose fathers were caught until I saw the name Lucius Malfoy in black bold letters. The kids who I laughed at returned the favor, people glared at me, I was sneered at, and even someone hexed me.

I realized then that I would get my revenge on Potter, no matter what; I just didn't realize what it would entail.

I didn't know I had to join the death eaters, to get the revenge but I would do anything to save my father. I knew I could do anything the Dark Lord threw at me, until he told me what I had to do save my family and me.

He wanted to me to kill Dumbledore.

I said yes not realizing the extent to in which I would be pushed too.

Soon I realized I needed to get out of the clutches of the dark side, but I knew I wouldn't be trusted in anyway if I went to the light with Potter(or should I say the Chosen One) and his party of Good doers.

I tried to get Dumbledore's attention by through him a pleading look but he never once looked at me; he only looked at Potter his Bloody Golden Boy.

So I decided to take my life in my own hands, I decided to kill that muggle loving fool.

Then I almost killed two Gryffindors instead of him I was punished quite cruelly at the Death eater meeting over the holidays and such.

I became even more reluctant but then I thought of Potter, who I hated, and all of the attention he got, good or bad, he still got it, from Dumbledore, Snape, Slughorn, McGonagall, even the Dark Lord. I used him to channel my rage; I used Potter for my hatred.

But when I stood at the top of the Astronomy tower and looked into Dumbledore's tired blue eyes, my wand pointed at his heart, I realized I couldn't do this, I couldn't become a murder like my father became at my age, even as Dumbledore said he would protect me and my family, trying to make excuses so I wouldn't kill him, the leader of light, I thought about how we could escape the death eaters down stairs, I was about to agree to his help but then Aunt Bella, the Carrows and Fenir Greyback came up to see my progress in my mission.

I knew this was the end, the end of everything. At that moment Snape came up and Dumbledore pleaded and then I heard the two words "Avada Kedavra" and saw the green light flashing to Dumbledore and I witnessed his limp body fall from the tower. I felt Snape grab me to take off running.

That's when I realized I wasn't that great wizard who people wanted to be, I realized that my life will never be the same, I realized my life will never turn out perfect and if maybe I didn't take the Dark Mark I would be happy and chatting with my friends in the common room now not running for my life.

It took too long for me to realize.

**Ok, it's not my best work but oh well, it's been stuck in my head for a while and decided to give it a go.**

**On my profile I will put a new pole to see what to do next so please vote!**

**Happy summer,**

**Britt**


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